Working With You is Killing Me:
Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work
Reviewed by admin Fri 18 Sep 09
Bob's Rating:
What a great title for a book! And for the most part, the book lives up to its title. Crowley and Elster set out to help the reader "unhook" from emotional pitfalls in the office and show how to manage difficult personalities. They do both. to an extent.
I really liked the introduction where we were invited to take a short quiz to discover our most challenging workplace situations. There were only 4 or 5 short questions and a suggestion as to which chapter we should go to depending on the answers. The downside to this approach is that if one was directed to say, chapter 3, then you would miss out on the principle unhooking strategies which underpin the whole book contained in chapter 1.
The principle unhooking strategies are great - simple, to the point, easy to remember and practical. I will certainly use them when next faced with a difficult personality. Where the book falls down is in the practical examples of how these strategies might work. The words used in the examples, would in my opinion not solve the situation. They may in fact inflame it, leaving you with having to apply the unhooking principles again when facing this same difficult person next time. For example, when faced with a difficult employee, to demonstrate the last unhooking step, the supervisor says "This is what I've experienced in the last couple of weeks from you. It's unacceptable behaviour. I'm going to put this document in your HR file. It will be part of your permanent record unless you improve within the next week." As an employee, I would certainly not respond very positively to that approach. I would almost certainly revert to my basic difficult personality style, leaving the supervisor with the need to "unhook" again next time we meet.
I'm also not a great fan of categorizing people into various personality styles as the book does. Although it does have short questionnaires to help you identify these styles (there are quite a number of them with various titles such as "Hero", Martyr", "Invisible One" and so on). I'm not sure how easy these would be to use when faced with a real person.
I did really like the chapter on "Managing Up - Taking Control" - probably worth the price of the book alone.
In summary, if you buy this book, use the unhooking strategies, but keep in mind far more positive assertiveness tactics in their implementation than are described in the book.
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